What if that was the whole point?

Finding Protection in the Unexpected

On Day 24 of my 60-day cleanse, I finally felt like myself again.

I went to a Solidcore class and killed it. I walked out feeling so encouraged, even excited to finish my workout with cardio once I got home. I had a solo date planned to see ‘I Love Boosters’ that afternoon and was already thinking about the bones of my next essay. I got off my exit, and before I could merge into traffic, the car behind me slammed into my bumper.

My head instantly jerked forward, forcing my upper body up against my seat.

Woah. Did I just get hit? I immediately wanted to cry.

The driver who hit me pulled up beside my passenger window, asking if I was okay. His tone was calming and gentle. By the force of the impact, I expected my bumper to be smushed in, completely destroyed.

And to my surprise, there was only a scratch.

My head continued to throb for a couple of hours, and after talking to my family about it, I was encouraged to go to an urgent care to make sure everything was okay.

As I waited for my doctor, I knew I wouldn’t make it to the theater on time. I was feeling down that the very day I found the energy to work out and plan a solo date, God had other plans for the rest of my day.

After X-rays, the doctor returned and said I may be sore, but thankfully, there weren’t any head or neck injuries.

I set an intention to clear out anything and everything that wasn’t aligned this month. I thought the process would leave me feeling lighter. Instead, part of me felt as if the rug had been swept out from under me.

I planned to start a cleanse, not take a break from writing and creating content.

I planned to feel clarity and work out each day, not wake up some days and not feel like getting out of bed.

Physically, emotionally, spiritually, every time I wanted to go ‘right’ this month, life turned me ‘left’.

I spent the month venerating my ancestors, remembering there are decades of loved ones who, though we’ve never met, love me dearly and wish for my highest good. On Mother’s Day, I visited the cemetery for the first time. Offering a dozen red roses to the burial plot where my paternal grandparents and Aunt rest. I met my grandfather, but he passed away when I was only one and a half years old. My grandmother and aunt passed away before I was born. I brought a blanket and sat out there, feeling a deep urge to listen to The Songstress album by Anita Baker. I lay out, I sang, I smiled, imagining them on the other side vibing to the music with me. I cried, imagining them on the other side, tearing up too.

I wondered if they could even hear me. I was yearning for guidance.

I pulled this card while I was sitting at the burial plot. The Two of Cups in Tarot symbolizes love, partnership, and harmony. Strong feelings of connection, drawn toward merging, uniting, or bringing together parts within.

The following Monday, my dad took my brother and me out to lunch. We laughed, we shared stories, some of which my brother and I had already heard, but we listened and smiled, like we always do. Except, there was a new story this time, or perhaps I was just listening with a new perspective. My dad mentioned how my late grandfather would hold my older cousin’s hand and mine as we skipped across the street. My father thought it was so funny that my grandfather found so much softness when it came to his granddaughters. He could never have imagined his dad skipping across the street, holding two little girls’ hands, with the biggest smile on his face.

Now, that visual runs across my mind so often. I can’t unsee my grandfather holding my hand. Guiding me across the street. Guiding me then. And as tears run down my face, guiding me now. Almost like my grandfather was saying, yes, I hear you.

I think about the accident and the impact I felt in my car after being hit from behind. There was supposed to be so much damage, I could feel it.

But only a scratch? Only a temporary headache that went away after a couple of hours?

My God. Thank you.

I was able to get a refund for my movie ticket while I waited in the doctor’s office. Once I left urgent care, I was still up for seeing the movie, so I found another time that evening for the solo date I was looking forward to.

Though I haven’t written as consistently as I would’ve liked, this season of observing and reflecting has left me deeply inspired. Not only have I decided on the concept of my second book and even rethought ideas around my novel; I also came up with an idea for the next phase of my business.

I haven’t had the energy to complete my to-do list this month, to create content, to write, to work out like I usually do, but what if that was the whole point? To sit, to observe, to reflect.

Even in the chaos, even in the silence, even when the journey to expansion asks me to stretch, may I still get up the next day to try again. May I remember there is so much beauty, relief, and protection right in front of me.

And even when I can’t feel it, may I remember that my hand is always held. By God, by my loved ones around me, and by my angels on the other side.

If this post resonated, I created a self-care workbook just for you. Creating Your Chapter Harmony is a 12-month guided journey to support you with self-devotion and manifesting the life you deserve.