Your I AM is Ready to Expand. Are You?
expanding your capacity to hold the life you're creating.
How the hell am I going to be a bestselling writer when I fear being seen?
My fear of being seen is also a fear of being judged, a fear of being perceived, a fear of failing out loud. I knew once I published my book, I’d need to quickly put that fear in the backseat, because it really came down to one question: Do I want to market the book or not? My answer was yes. Okay. Well, to do that, I can’t continue to hide myself. I can’t look at social media from the same lens as I once did: “Social media isn’t social anymore…” “Posting on my feed is scary…” “People don’t engage like they used to…”
All of that is self-sabotage! The same fear shrinking me on social media was the same fear shrinking my I AM everywhere else.
I recently saw a post about perfectionism being another word for people-pleasing.
Perfectionism. Self-criticism. Fear of failure. Fear of inadequacy.
All of which shrinks you because you’re prioritizing others’ needs, approval, and emotions over your own.
Last week, I shared the importance of protecting your I AM from anything that may try to trick you out of your spot — Don’t Get Tricked Out of Your Spot. But sometimes, it’s not just outside circumstances, your I AM gets blocked by the part of you that hasn’t expanded to hold what you’re asking for yet. What if the resistance you’re feeling is because you haven’t allowed yourself to expand your capacity to receive?
The question isn’t “Why hasn’t this shown up yet?”
It’s “Have I allowed my I AM to expand enough to hold it?”
The money isn’t the problem. The relationship isn’t the problem. The capacity to receive them, to believe you’re the woman who has them, that’s where the work is.
Do you believe you deserve to be supported? Are the people you surround yourself with supporting your I AM, or are they causing inner resistance by their words, their beliefs, and the way they live their lives?
Sometimes it’s more than just them flirting with your doubt; sometimes you don’t even know you’re flirting with their insecurities and their lack mindset. Suddenly, their ceiling becomes your ceiling without you even realizing it. And slowly, your I AM starts to shrink to fit the room. Are you aware of the difference?
I’ve been sitting with this lately: What does it mean when you start outgrowing your own expectations? When the version of you that set the goal can no longer contain the version of you doing the work?
I’ve been thinking about Ryan Coogler and Michael B. Jordan during their iconic award season for their 2025 film, Sinners. They didn’t just deserve the Oscar. They had to be men whose I AM was big enough to hold one.
Every new chapter requires you to meet yourself again and say, yes. This is still me. I still deserve this. Even here. Especially here.
I woke up a bit early to write my ninth consecutive essay this year at my desk before logging on to work. I sat back and thought, who IS she?
I can feel the shift. I can feel my creativity expanding. My capacity is expanding. I am blowing my own mind each week. When I started promoting my book, I said okay, maybe one essay per month. Then my ideas doubled it. Tripled it. Quadrupled it! My body said, no, more! We have more.
And if my creativity is expanding, what else is expanding? What else is ready to be outgrown? What am I still holding that belongs to an older version of me?
What if the work is to continue showing up, to continue following your desires, and to allow your capacity to grow with you?
I got so comfortable loving myself that my relationship standard wrote itself. If I ever decide to marry, it’s my script or bust. I shattered my own glass ceiling around money; I got the number. But now I’m shattering the ceiling around what my whole life looks like.
Receiving without people pleasing.
Being enough without overperforming.
A few weeks ago, in my essay, I Felt Things I Imagined, I shared “I manifested something I couldn’t have imagined.” Yes. Yes, I did. And now I’m standing at the edge of something even bigger, and my I AM has to expand to meet it. I am becoming someone whose life looks like freedom. And I have to let my I AM grow big enough to hold that.
You can love where you are AND know you’re outgrowing it. Both things can exist at the same time.
What’s standing between the woman writing this and the woman living it? Well, whether she allowed herself to expand enough to hold and receive all of it.
The Law of Polarity states that everything in the universe has an opposite, dual nature.
With expansion, there is excitement AND grief.
Anticipation AND longing.
Joy AND regret.
Part of my resistance to expanding is grieving the safety of my comfort zone. Realizing that no matter how irritable or uncomfortable I feel, this feeling of stagnation is still easier than moving.
It’s always hard to walk away from easy.
What if my way to a life of ease is getting through the hard feelings?
The yearning is too strong. Too magnetic. Too loud.
It’s not enough, and I know it.
We all have something in our lives that is good. That we manifested. That we should be grateful for. And we ARE grateful for. Though it’s still not enough. And that’s not ingratitude. That’s not being difficult. That’s not greed. Nor is it lack or dissatisfaction. It’s our I AM refusing to be contained. That’s the yearning doing exactly what it was designed to do.
My I AM has expanded before. And every time it did, what felt like grief on the other side of it became the foundation of something bigger.
I have proof. I’ve always had proof.
I used to always say, “Faith it till you make it,” a play on the phrase I absolutely hated, “Fake it till you make it,” because I’m not faking anything. Imposter syndrome says, I’m a fraud, I don’t belong here.
But I do. I know I do.
Imposter syndrome is maintained when success is not internalized, and distorted beliefs about self outweigh what is real.
I’m not an imposter. I’m just expanding.
Self-compassion says, “This is new to me. I’m still learning. I can’t wait to figure this out. I belong here, AND my I AM is still growing into the size of this moment.”
So, you keep expanding. Even if you don’t have it all figured out. You will.
Even if it feels scary. It’ll feel good soon.
The price of staying small is regret!
Viola Davis often shares this quote: “The definition of hell is on your last day on Earth, the person you became meets the person that you could have become.”
I know I deserve this. I know more is coming. I’m not doubting myself. I’m just growing my ability to hold something I’ve never held before.
Expanding capacity starts with allowing yourself to name the yearning out loud. To regulate your nervous system and make space for new thought patterns that believe you deserve this next level. To stop pretending safety is enough when your I AM is yearning for more. To stop calling it imposter syndrome and start calling it what it actually is, expansion.
I manifested something I couldn’t have imagined. And now I’m standing at the edge of something even bigger.
And I am excited. Grieving. Expanding.
But most importantly, I am ready.
The work of expanding your capacity? That’s what my self-care workbook, Creating Your Chapter Harmony, was created for. 🌹
